The world is shrinking – we’ve all heard about it. The internet has opened doors (and windows . . . heh heh . .. see what I did there? Windows!!) into places that were formerly closed. A man’s phone was stolen and was later sold in China. The new owner posted photos that appeared in the original owner’s cloud storage and before long via social media the two became friends. The American became a pseudo celebrity in China, and they both appeared on Ellen (click the link for more on the Brother Orange story).
Back in the ’90s when I was pregnant with my first child I joined a (now defunct) message board on the iVillage media site, as I’d heard it was a great resource of information and a way to connect with other moms who were expecting at the same time. The first board I joined was Dec/98 mommies mostly women from across the US and a handful from Canada. At that time I didn’t have my own computer at home so when I actually had my son I was absent from the discussion board for the 6 months I was on maternity leave. When I returned to work the board was still active but I felt in the minority as a working mother, the majority of active users were stay at home moms.
I turned to another board – the Working moms board – and eventually become the moderator. Our core group of women, again mostly from the US and a few from Canada became very close friends despite the fact that most of us had never met In Real Life (IRL). We decided to hold a reunion in 2003 after being online together for at least 5 years and we spent a fun-filled weekend in Philadelphia putting faces to names (at that time the board messages were mostly text – no pictures) and making new memories. We even made efforts to post updates of the trip on the board for those who weren’t able to make it.
Once Facebook appeared on the scene a group of us who had been together for well over 10 years migrated to a closed group on that platform, where we’ve been ever since. There are 31 of us in this group and we’ve been together for over 16 years of births, deaths, marriage, divorce and everything in between. Where at first we were celebrating milestones like being able to leave the kids at daycare without hearing them cry when we left, now we’re the ones crying when these same kids head off to college after graduation. I count these women among my closest friends and I’ve only met some of them. Thanks to Facebook I can see my friends’ public profiles but we can also interact on our private board. (and yes – we are all web-savvy enough to know the risks of posting anything online and we know that nothing is *truly* private).
Nowaday
Now that my children are old enough to have social media accounts we have had discussions about what is appropriate and who they can have as friends (They are only allowed to “friend” the people they actually know and if approached to play with a stranger over xbox they are forbidden to share personal details). This puts them in the minority – The children of today have grown up with the internet and with cellphones. The typical teen has more friends on Facebook that they’ve never met than those they know IRL. Rather than measuring their perceived success or failure against their local peers, they are putting themselves up for judgement publicly against a world of individuals and the results can be devastating. Teens are measuring their self-worth against the number of “likes” they get on a picture and often they are finding themselves wanting. In addition constant digital interactions either through social media or text have lead to a decrease in actual intimacy and a decline in personal relationships. Teens feel distanced from any communication that isn’t face to face so they have a greater likelihood of saying things they wouldn’t normally say, which can lead to increased instances of bullying and or social stigma. (for some great articles on this see the CBC article from February, 2014 and this Psychology Today from the point of view of the teens)
What are your thoughts? Do you think social media has changed the way we have developed our social relationships? Do you think this is a good or a bad thing? Do you regularly participate in any online communities and if so, would you call those people your friends? I look forward to your comments.
Algonquin College Social Media Certificate Program 
It sounds like you have had positive and supportive experiences from joining communities on social media. I adhere to the same advice you give your children and only friend people on Facebook I have met in person. I also join groups on Facebook based on interest. I would not consider these people my friends but, over time, I have come to regard some as strong acquaintances. I wonder if this relationship status might be different if I was a more active participant in these groups. For me, social media has enriched existing offline relationships and led to more information sharing and greater potential to meet people from social media groups in real time.
Sarah – This is an amazing community that you’ve been a part of. What an wonderful network of support and sharing. I have a social community of gals that I hang out with, go out for dinner with, plan special occasions with. Many of them are colleagues or friends of friends. I haven’t met them all but eventually end up meeting them “IRL”. In general, I long for less texting, less FB messaging and more picking up the phone to chat with a friend. My younger extended family member and even my younger brother will not answer their phones. They only want to text or message. I realize everyone is busy, we all are, but I think the quality of our communication is changing…we’re waiting for the person to message back and we’re probably being shorter and less sensitive to tone and interpretation.
Thanks for your comments ladies! I agree with social media enables us to reach out to others in ways we wouldn’t have before. I am also unsure whether this is better as we are definitely opting for quick exchanges rather than long involved conversations. In the end I think there is something to be said for a balance of both online and IRL relationships whenever possible.
I think social media has definitely changed the way we develop our social relationships. I don’t think it is a bad thing as long as it is balanced. I remember when the internet was still new and no one had sat me down to have the stranger danger online chat. I was in a chat room talking to someone from New Jersey. I didn’t have internet at home, only school so I gave him my real address. We were pen pals for ten years and finally met in person. Knowing what we all know now about the internet it gives me shivers to think how terrible it could have worked out. Luckily in my case, he was a legit person exactly who he said and we were friends for years. Eventually we lost touch but I always thought it was cool that he was someone I would have never met in my real life. I think that is what leads a lot of people to meeting online, it allows us to meet with people our paths would not cross in our real life.
I am curious when this graphic was created. From my experience with teenaged daughters, they text daily – 100%. This is the main form of communication in their groups outside of school hours. From chatting to sharing pictures to making plans to get together, they do this all online. But despite their vast use of the medium, they still need reminders that 90% of communication is not the words. When emotions escalate online (and this happens often in the tween years!), they need to be taught when to stop typing and starting talking.
Social media definitely changed the way we socialize. Some for the better some not. I personally am a social media junky. I can’t get enough of it. My family is spread out throughout Canada and the United States so it is a great tool to keep up with what is happening in their lives. It is great to see pictures of new born babies or how big my grand nieces and nephews are getting. I think that for the people who live near by we sometimes use social media as an excuse not to visit because we already know what they are up to. It is nothing for my husband and I to both be on our Ipads while sitting down after dinner. The good thing for us is we share what is being read with each other. I have just discovered messenger. I love this as it is even faster than texting, at least I think so. All these services do not cost as much as a phone bill so I am really good with it. Recently during the strike I was involved in we made a secret Facebook page that held all of our happenings, thoughts, news items and pictures while we were out. Since we were not all picketing at the same spot it was a really good tool to keep up to date. I think that having learnt how to socialize before becoming acquainted with social media was a good thing. I think the kids coming up today do not know how to socialize face to face very well. They see the world through their phone instead of living it. Not sure how to accomplish teaching them to look up once in a while.