Death does not end a relationship…

… It only changes it. And that holds true whether you believe in life after death or not.

Obviously you’re not going to have the same sorts of interactions with the deceased that you had with them when they were alive.

But the feelings you had for a person in life will not magically vanish just because that person is no longer physically present.

If you had a positive and loving relationship, you will still have those feelings. Things you see and do will remind you of the deceased and make you smile. You may still talk to them either in your mind or even aloud. You might even get a response.

Not required.

Conversely, if you have a difficult or negative relationship with someone while they are alive, the strife isn’t over when that person dies, as many people seem to think or perhaps hope.

The changes that death brings to these relationships may cause frustration or open a door to forgiveness.

If you have unfinished business with a person who has died, you might be frustrated that you can’t get an explanation or receive an apology.

However, death can also level the playing field.

In life, my father was a difficult person to be around and even more difficult to know. He was a severe alcoholic, morose, bitter and sharp tongued. My father’s death finally gave me a chance to say many of the things I wanted to say to him without being rebuffed, denied or interrupted. It also allowed me to love my father without fear. I could see him as human – mortal, vulnerable, flawed, someone’s child – just like me.

I feel closer and more loving to him now than I ever could when he was alive. That is the transformative power of death. What changes it brings for you are your choice.

How has death transformed your relationships with others?

Blog Post 2 – The Social Future and You: Grievance

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Some of us have had the unfortunate experience of losing someone. A lot of us know of people that have. It’s one of the ahrdest parts of life to deal with.

Today, people have the opportunity to reach out on a grander scale in times of need; Social Media. Facebook, Twitter, PhotoShare Platforms are all mediums people use to communicate notice of death, funeral arrangements and the like. In some cases, people create tribute pages, post condolences to family and friends of the passed. It’s a way to reach out.

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I had a friend, lets call him Rudy. Rudy passed away about a year ago, one of many kids that have suddenly lost their lives from whom, I grew up with. Rudy wasn’t a very good friend of mine, maybe an acquaintance, peer. I have close friends that had good relationships with him. But we knew each other. He was a great kid, one of the brightest and most openly understanding of someone. Knew how to motivate you in some devious and condescending ways, but he was a very driven kid and always had the best intentions.

He had a very close friend, lets call him Under. Under and I weren’t the best of friends, we didn’t party together, cry over girls together, but we knew eachother. This past week Under posted a very long and heartful message about his lost friend Rudy. He recalled the day he found, his last year, grieving in a sort of solitude, and some very happy and simple memories of their time spent together.

To be honest, I didn’t know it had been that long. It felt too fresh still. Still reverberating through our social circles.

Under’s post moved me in a way. I reached out to him, but in private. I didnt need my condolencies and sympathy to shine in the limelight of someones wall. I have miuxed feeelings about death and social media from what i’ve seen, but i digress. I offered an ear if he ever needed to talk, about anything. Rudy, sports, whatever. And so we did.

We talked about books, and work and life. It was great. It was great for the right reasons, reconnecting with a friend. Ithad been sometime since we talked but the internet and social platforms like social media, along with this grim anniversary allowed us to talk again.

It may not be all the time now. We probably won’t become the best of friends because of this, but who knows we may get closer.  I just think that we sometimes dismiss the role social media plays in our lives and how attached we are to it. We create it, it’s  a part of us. It gives us the opportunity to connect with people on so many different levels, for every occasion and occurrence. So why can’t it be a beautiful thing?… Sometimes?