COM0014 – Blog No. 6 – Intoxicating Thoughts.


What choices have I made that I regret?

Well here’s one…

Grade 10, High school – this is the year that I switched schools mid first semester because my family moved to a new house and school borders changed and hence I unwilling moved too. The first class on the first day of new school was Mr. Pollack’s English class (he looked just like Robert Downey Jr., just with dirty blond hair plus beard) it was at the back of the school in a dim lit hallway the lights always flickered. I was nervous, scared and lonely. I sat on the second front row from the chalkboard. All day I was shy, alone and sad, I had to introduce myself over and over again. At the end of school, I went home and cried. I really just wanted to be back with my old friends and sit in the same hallways as the year before.

The next day I really was just a walking zombie; waking up, not eating breakfast as a sign of protest to show my parents my displeasure of their choice of uprooting me from my safety zone. The same bell that every school has rung, ringing in my ears telling me and 100’s of rushing students pulling and pushing each other to reach their destination in 5 minutes that I must also rush to English class. However, as I enter the class I saw a girl with bright orange hair sitting in my seat. As I was awfully shy I did nothing but look her in the eyes quickly and moved to sit in the only open seat right in front of Mr. Pollack.  That day was the beginning of our inseparable journey. My best friend Klara and I were joined at the hip, sure I thought she’s a little self-absorbed but for me, our friendship was too strong, so I overlooked it. Months passed and we became really close, we found out that we had 6 out of 8 classes together. We sat together, eat together, shared sketchbooks to draw and at one point started to share our clothes too. Our relationship was always looked on as “sisters”.

When grade 12 started and we again had Mr. Pollack for English, we meet someone new a boy, in the same class named Rick. At first, we (Klara, Rick and I) just hung out a lot (with and without other friends) whenever and wherever we could but slowly I saw a change in her, I was still really shy around rick but he and Klara had moved past the platonic relationship. She transformed into a whole different person right in front of my eyes, skipping class with or with rick. I felt I was losing her to something and I said this to her as well but she was oblivious to my feeling. One week she didn’t show up to school at all, I called, texted, emailed but got no reply then I found out from our mutual friend that she had dropped out and had left for the different city. My heart sank and again I reached out so many times, send so many emails but all I got out of her was that she hated our school, hated our friend and hated rick too. Why? Why? Why?  Was all that ran around my head the last year of high school, I spend so much time, showered her with love and all I got was she “hated” all her time here. I regret not seeing what kind of person she was and maybe if I was mature enough I would have realized that she only needed me to fill the void of a lonely girl, she used me to survive two years of high school so she wouldn’t  have to alone.

PS: Rick and I are still great friends. Also, I recently saw her at the retail store at downtown, she looked right at me and then looked away, for some reason that stung a lot too. Oh well, life is too short to hold to the negative.

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