Modern Romance: A Tinderella Story

 

tinderella

If you’ve been single in the last five years, chances are you’ve used Tinder. Or Bumble. Or Grindr.  Or OKCupid. Let’s face it – the list of dating apps is in no short supply and the list of potential Tinderellas or Mr. Right Swipes is never ending. Despite being up for around five years now, Tinder remains one of the fastest growing apps: According to their blog (that’s right, Tinder has a blog!), the number of users on Tinder grew by over 11% between December 2016 and January 2017! The online world has become a huge part of our daily lives on an increasingly personal level, to the point where online dating and apps have become the norm.

How does Tinder work?

Using Tinder is quite simple. You create a profile with 1-6 photos of yourself and a short biography using your Facebook profile to ensure legitimacy. You will also have the option of linking your Instagram and Spotify accounts for your potential matches to browse. Once you’ve created a profile, you’ll be able to swipe through the profiles of other users. A swipe to the right is a like, while a swipe to the left is a pass, a swipe up and you’ll “super like” someone. The “super like” feature is intended to help you get noticed by the people you really like but, in my experience, it mainly just happens by accident. When you and another user both right swipe each other, it’s a match! You will now be able to chat and interact with each other. Unlike traditional (and I use the word traditional in the loosest sense here) dating apps, Tinder strays away from the standard Question and Answer format and instead reverts to the idea that the ultimate deciding factor in finding a mate is based on looks. There is no real criteria to base where the likes and passes come from other than whether or not other users like the way you present yourself in your profile.

Is dating online a good thing?

As with anything, there are definite pros and cons to dating online on apps such as Tinder. Variety and seemingly endless options paired with a level of anonymity are definite benefits of using an app. For people who can be a little bit shy, Tinder offers an opportunity to meet the love of your life in a way that minimizes the pressure as it’s a casual, semi-anonymous chat. One of the reasons why Tinder has been such a success is because people often end up with mates equally as good looking as them, research shows. Part of the allure of an app like Tinder is the idea that perhaps it is possible to accurately predict the qualities, such as extroversion or self esteem or emotional stability, of a total stranger based off of a few photos. According to Christina Bloom, an entrepreneur who develops dating apps, “it all starts with the face. People say, ‘from the first time I met him, I knew.’ There’s a sense of recognition… it’s what we call chemistry”.

Image result for tinder gif

Of course, the superficial notion that looks alone will create a happy relationship does not bode well with everyone. Is it even possible to create a relationship with someone with a complete lack of intimate knowledge, or really any knowledge about them at all aside from a carefully crafted selection of photos and a few short lines about themselves? Perhaps this is where the idea of using Tinder as a hookup app comes in: people don’t want or care to get to know the people they are swiping right on, they just want to have sex. Although it wasn’t created by Tinder, hookup culture has certainly been proliferated by the app. With the ability to have sex literally at our fingertips, has it become all too easy? Is Tinder the beginning of the end of romantic courtship? “We are in uncharted territory” when it comes to Tinder et al., says Justin Garcia, a research scientist at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. “There have been two major transitions” in heterosexual mating “in the last four million years,” he says. “The first was around 10,000 to 15,000 years ago, in the agricultural revolution, when we became less migratory and more settled,” leading to the establishment of marriage as a cultural contract. “And the second major transition is with the rise of the Internet.” So, it is easy to see that the impact of Tinder has been huge in terms of societal norms. In a society that has short attention spans and values speed, Tinder provides instant gratification; it’s essentially online shopping for the perfect (sexual) partner. This sheer ease of achieving results coupled with the millions of users worldwide which leave you with an endless stream of possible matches is how Tinder proliferates hookup culture, making it’s users less inclined to treat their matches as a person and more as a quick fix who is all too disposable.

Image result for tinderella gif

It’s within reason to say that Tinder has made meeting – and having sex with – people all too easy, but Tinder has simultaneously created this paradox where it’s now harder to connect with people. It’s created a society where we want the physical part of the relationship, but we’re now afraid of “catching feelings” and run away screaming when the emotional aspects of a relationship come creeping up as they inevitably would.

It’s possible that I’m speaking as a hopeless romantic in the age of Netflix and Chill, or perhaps Tinder has completely revolutionized dating in the last five years. Perhaps social norms have simply changed so quickly in the realm of dating that in order to stay caught up on what’s acceptable, one always needs to be adapting and paying attention to the latest changes. Social media is arguably the most incredible phenomenon of the twenty first century – it holds the power to change things. Tinder is not unlike any other social media platform in that it’s capable of harnessing this power. Maybe the app has used this power to an extent that it has completely changed social norms by eradicating the days of love letters and throwing rocks on windows and replaced them with super likes and 2 am “u up?” texts. While Tinder can be a fun way to meet people or, if you’re lucky, create a relationship that will last, it’s sucking the romance out of dating. The thing with love is, you can’t choose who you will fall in love with. In a fast paced world, we’re missing out on all the things that Rom Coms are made of in lieu of convenience – we shouldn’t be settling for dates without romance, let’s bring back good old fashioned love!

What’s your view of dating apps like Tinder? Comment down below!

tinderella-handtekening.png

 

 

Social Media Links:

Facebook: Someday my prince will swipe right? Can you truly find the Prince Charming to your Tinderella on Tinder? Find out here!

Twitter: Someday my prince will swipe right? http://bit.ly/2jVojNI

7 thoughts on “Modern Romance: A Tinderella Story

  1. I love your title. I caught my eye right away. I have no experience with on line dating site – so not my thing. I just find the whole premise very superficial. But your post was certainly enlightening and informative. I have to say I now know more about dating apps. I am like you — I prefer old fashioned romance and conversation rather than a computer keyboard and a generated picture. Thanks for sharing.

  2. I think is an interesting blog. Like Christine I haven’t used online dating so can’t speak from personal experience but have watched many friends find online love, marriage, and heartbreak through dating apps. I think one thing that strikes me as a positive about dating apps is it does open the field especially as I’ve watched friends enter their mid 30’s and no longer really be out on the scene every Friday and Saturday night. It surely isn’t perfect though, but again I also wonder is it that different from dating ages ago? I would think that people have been using looks as the first criteria for quite some time now!

    • You are so right, Katrina! Picture 10 years ago before dating apps were a thing, you’d walk into a bar and strike up a conversation with someone you found attractive. It’s always been about looks, hasn’t it? But now it’s a huge playing field with less work. Chatting with that attractive person at the bar would require you to hold a conversation, be charming enough to get their number, and, presumably, go on a few dates before getting to know each other on a more intimate level.

  3. Ummm that was amazing! I love that you picked a topic that for many is very difficult to talk about… and I’m not referring to Tinder, I’m talking about loooove 🙂

    Very interesting facts that make me fear/wonder what the future holds for younger generations to come. And I hear you, let’s bring back a little old fashioned romance!!

    • Thanks for your response, Caitlin! It’s definitely interesting how much of a stigma or taboo online dating still holds when apps like Tinder have SO many users! Who knows what the future has in store for love… let’s hope it’s a reversion to the more romantic type!

  4. Great title! I read a blog post from another classmate on dating apps earlier in the course and like theirs, this one is very insightful. Your exploration of the emotional dissonance created by these apps is spot on and raises a really interesting concern, a lack of communication. The app itself is designed as a means of communication with others in order to date, but it seems to be accomplishing exactly the opposite (in many cases).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.