Online dating – what I learned on Lavalife

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I’ve done my fair share of online dating. I’ve met some great guys who are sincerely looking for love and companionship and I’ve also met some cads who’ve lied about
everything from their marital status to their sexual preferences and relationship goals.

Online dating isn’t that much different from more traditional dating except for a few things.

Online dating compresses the time frame for meeting potential dating partners. Join a dating site and suddenly you’ll meet dozens of potential dating partners in an evening rather than over the span of months. The result can be thrilling and sometimes discouraging. Sure there are crazy people on the dating sites. But they’re out there in real life too. They just come at you faster through online dating. And remember, you are someone’s crazy person too, so stay humble.

Online dating makes it much easier to deceive yourself and potential dating partners. I can almost guarantee that if a man’s profile says he’s 5’6” he will be 5’3” or shorter. I don’t care how tall a man is. I do care that he’s lying, especially about something so trivial and easy to spot. What else is he lying about?

If you’re going to put up an online dating profile, be impeccable with the facts. You want to attract people for who you really are and not be left squirming when you have to magically lose 30 pounds or grow three inches overnight before that first meeting.

Use the Internet to meet people, not to get to know them. It’s waaaaaay too easy to fill in the gaps between reality and how you want reality to be, and become attached to a fantasy. So don’t spend too much time online getting to know a potential dating partner. A few emails exchanged will do. If you are interested in someone you’ve met online, arrange to meet. Only once you actually meet someone in real life will you know if there’s chemistry for you both. Trust me – if he/she smells like your sibling, it will be a turn off!

Last thing. It’s dating. It’s supposed to be fun. So go forth, be you and let the world love ya!

 

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5 thoughts on “Online dating – what I learned on Lavalife

  1. This is very timely for me. I’m trying to get my friend to try online dating! She’s convinced that she will meet someone the old fashioned way. I said that may be, but that online couldn’t hurt. Have you met anyone special as a result of this?

  2. Hi, Amanda – Online dating can be a lot of fun. I hope your friend will go for it. I have indeed met special (and lucky!) fellows through online dating. One in particular, whom I dated for almost a year and who, 12 years later is still a dear friend, could have been “the one” but he moved away for his career and I couldn’t go too because my mother was ill and I needed to care for her. Life! Fickle thing.

  3. I enjoyed your sense of humour about online dating and practical analysis to old fashion dating. I agree with your take on it. With respect to the notion of compressing time, I guess that we are in a busy and/or impatient world and need to sift out the bad apples sooner – at least the ones at the surface. Still online dating can be helpful to gage a prospect’s character as a result of posting ineffable information, although not always obvious. Your statement about using the Internet to get to meet people, not to know them is great advice. There is no way of knowing if there is a match until you meet. Factors like how communication patterns, problem-solving skills, background, and sexual compatibility, to name a few are crucial for determining potential fit and cannot be captured in an algorithm dating or in one date.

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