Gypsy Soul

I am busy, you are busy, we are all busy. By no means do I want this to sound like a sob ‘oh feel sorry for me’ story. But my god, am I exhausted. I have carried a pretty heavy workload for the past couple of years, always juggling two jobs if not three, I went back to school for a year, and recently decided to take a few online courses. I have always carried the attitude of I can be and do whatever  I want, the only person getting in the way is me.

When you hear someone say something like that you probably think ‘Hell ya!’ and I pride myself in having a good attitude. But, sometimes I wonder if it can be detrimental.

Being the Yes girl has left me exhausted, and now looking back I have accomplished several tiny feats but no major accomplishment, My career is in constant limbo. I am always discovering new options and though hard work does not scare me, commitment does. By being afraid of making the ‘wrong move’ I have made no major moves, and where am I now?

I am exhausted, and have nothing to show for it.

Should I settle, and accept that fact that a healthy happy life, is a good life?

Or do I keep searching, keep looking for that one thing that makes my soul sing?

Enjoy the ride!

One thought on “Gypsy Soul

  1. Hi there:

    I have to admit…I was drawn to the title of your blog. I’m fascinated by gypsies; have been since I was a child, even dressed up as one for Halloween… (!)As I got older, I found out more about them; their nomadic lifestyle and exotic roots. They were mysterious and lawless; creative and carefree. Then I actually met some in Slovakia in 2000 on my grad trip there. Yes, some were sexy, freedom-loving and [in some cases], could tell your fortune. But, the majority I encountered were far from reflecting the Hollywood stereotypes of my youth and weren’t sensually gliding about their hometown in long skirts and silk scarves with a crystal ball in tow. Unfortunately, the majority I laid eyes on were astonishingly poor and disenfranchised. Single mothers with a gaggle of kids and no father in sight. When we walked in areas heavily populated with them…I was told to be careful who I engaged in eye contact with …be that male or female… and to keep the zipper on my purse tightly shut.

    Fast forward to 2016 and you’re discussion about having this unfettered way of moving down your career path. There is something laudable in being fearless enough to take the ‘road less travelled’ not once, but many times in life. Such moves are inherently romantic because they involve a certain level of risk that people like me shy away from. Why? Because I require a certain amount of stability in my life…and once I recognized it wouldn’t always be present in my personal life, I was determined it would need to be in my professional and financial life.

    Does that mean I always made GREAT job choices or can balance a chequebook well? Nope. I made my share of mistakes and got myself in the hole more than once or twice. What it does mean, is I chose a career [federal public service] that has longevity, opportunity and financial stability of sorts [you will get paid until you stop working]. For someone who sucked with money: this was crucial. Knowing I would never starve or be out in the street was a great relief to me. But that only came when I did the one thing you are scared of: COMMITMENT.

    As a public servant who moonlights as a writer, I’ve had my share of doubts and worries about my career path and my purpose. But, I was only permitted the luxury of reflecting on these issues at length because I KNEW there was a steady paycheque coming in which would allow me to try various side ventures and figure out how I could make money by stringing words together in such a way I could maybe get people to stop and think over things the way I do…and [above all] start a conversation with those around me on the things that matter to us all. But, to have the freedom to think and ponder these big questions you need to know you can pay your credit card bill or make car payments. Commitment or allowing myself to commit to [at least] the public service has given me that. Joe Bunting is a freelance writer who writes about commitment phoebia. According to him, commitment is the key to effective experimentation [ http://allgroanup.com/careerish/why-our-generation-is-afraid-of-commitment/. ] He said if he hadn’t committed to finding out he would make a lousy doctor or rock star, he never would have discovered he would make a good writer and that this would be his calling.

    Some people are great at living in limbo…I’m just not one of them. Grey zones make me queasy…always have. But I know some who navigate those murky waters beautifully…and I’m in awe of them. They never have all the answers or are perfectly certain about the path they are on…but still they push forward. They seem to trust their own intuition more then others…and allow it guide them. Although I have learned to trust mine more, I still can’t take the leaps of faith they often take. I need more balance and want my decisions to be partially logical and partially intuitive…not just one or the other…albeit I admit I can veer more towards the linear.

    You seem to be afraid of making the wrong move, but if you let a fear of something that has YET to happen…stand in the way of what COULD happen for you… you’ll never know. I’ve been told when you block potential pain, you also block you’re ability to receive what can please and fulfill you. It’s no small feat finding one’s calling…finding what makes your “soul sing”. Writer’s like Po Bronson have documented what that journey is like [see http://www.pobronson.com/WSIDWML_Introduction.htm%5D, and [judging by the 900 stories much like yours he chronicled]…it can be someone’s life’s work.

    It appears to be yours…and I find that fascinating and exciting. If finance is not a gargantuan concern or you aren’t as stodgy as me and need the stability of lifetime employment…then [by all means] follow your passion. I do…I mean I do on the side…but I still do. Please don’t see your life’s work as a series of “tiny feats”. Try to see it as the incredibly substantive, wisdom generating venture it really is and relish the ride you are allowing us all to enjoy with you.

    Thanks,
    Malika

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